If you’ve got more than one child like I do, then you’ve probably had to deal with sibling rivalry a time or two. It’s so tough as a parent to want your children to get along with each other, when all they ever seem to do is squabble! What’s a parent to do? Here are some of my favorite tips to help reduce the infighting at your house:
• Let your kids work out their differences on their own whenever possible. As long as they are not harming each other, it’s good for them to learn to solve their problems without your involvement.
• Don’t compare your kids! Each one of them has their own strengths and weaknesses, and drawing attention to how they measure up to their sibling only adds fuel to the rivalry fire. Of course you should praise your children when they do something great, but you can do that without comparing their accomplishments (or lack thereof) to those of their siblings.
• Try to give all of your children some one-on-one time. Believe me, this is a hard one to do when you have a houseful of kids! But, children crave the undivided attention of their parents and need it on a regular basis. Even something as simple as taking turns having a child accompany you to the grocery store will give that child alone time without the constant interruptions of their siblings.
• Pay attention to your children when they are playing nicely together. So often we give our attention when they are misbehaving and withhold it when they are doing what we like! The old saying “let sleeping dogs lie” should not apply to your parenting. When they’re sharing or acting kindly to one another, tell them! Your kids cherish your praise.
• Help your children understand early that everything is not always going to be fair. It’s a good life lesson that’s important to start teaching in the home environment at an early age. Of course, don’t make things completely unfair between siblings, but help them to understand that everything won’t always “equal.”
• Spending time as a family can also help reduce sibling rivalry. Playing board games, eating dinner together, going on an outing, really any family activity can help. The more time your children spend together interacting positively under your watchful eye, the more likely they will be to turn to that behavior when you’re not watching!
• Express your love to your children regularly. Let each one of them know that you love them unconditionally. Your love for them has nothing to do with their accomplishments. Often, siblings get jealous of each other when they feel that one does things better than the other. Show them that you love them unconditionally, not just because of their strengths and talents.
• And last but not least, talk to your kids about their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel jealous of or frustrated with their siblings. Share with them your experiences with sibling rivalry growing up. They’ll love hearing stories about you and their aunts and uncles as kids and will be more likely to talk with you about their feelings since you’ve “been there, done that!”
